How to navigate seeing family and friends over the holidays when you are struggling with infertility

We recognize that as the holidays approach many individuals and couples navigating infertility experience anxiety thinking about spending time with family and friends. Most family and friends that know and love you have no ill intentions and sometimes, are completely unaware of what you may be going through. However, being aware of those things does not change the fact that you will have to inevitably contend with the possibility of triggering questions or situations that feel overwhelming in the midst of an incredibly stressful time in your life.

Worries you might have may include,

• What will people ask me? 
• Will someone ask when we are starting a family or why we haven’t started a family? 
• Will someone comment that I am not drinking? 
• Will someone announce a pregnancy at a family event?
• Will it be hard to be around babies and small children even if I love them and their parents?

The simplest answer to these questions is yes. Yes, someone will ask you a question that you don’t want to answer. Yes, it will be hard if someone announces a pregnancy. Yes, it will be hard to be around babies and small children.

The most important thing we can stress for you is be prepared, be diligent with self care and set any boundaries that will make the holidays easier for you. We have a few suggestions that we think might be helpful.

1. Come up with an answer that stops the conversation. Be funny, be blunt but just end the conversation and move on. (When are you guys going to have a baby? “Don’t you worry, we are having fun trying”)
2. It is okay to say no. It is okay to not go to something. Loved ones may not understand but that is okay too. You don’t have to attend gatherings that will be hard for you.
3. It is okay to make an excuse. (“I am sick” “ I worry I am getting sick” “I can’t get off the toilet” ) You are allowed to make an excuse because this is a very personal experience that no one needs to know about unless YOU CHOOSE to tell them.
4. Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Take the time to nurture yourself, watch movies on the couch, take the extra yoga class, walk with a friend, make special dinners at home, cry, laugh, be angry, it is all allowed.

If we can help in any way, we are happy to be an additional support. We encourage you to seek support, find your people you want to share with and know you are not alone.