Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! During the holiday season, there seems to be a push to be happy and joyous. The stresses of getting the right present, cooking the perfect meal or wearing the right thing to a holiday party can be enough to push the “Happy and Merry” right out the window. When you add grief to the mix, downright unbearable. They say the first year after a loss can be the hardest as you are learning to go through events without the person for the first time. The holidays can be the most difficult because of the memories associated with your loved one.

The grief process is individual to each person and it is important to honor your own process through this grief. Here are some suggestions on how to work though your grief this holiday season.

Create a plan

• What are your triggers? What will remind you of this person? What could someone say to you that would upset you?
• How could you react to these situations? Will you say something or need to be alone?
• Have a plan of self care. Make an escape plan if you need to by going to the bathroom, outside or in another room. Have a support person who you can give a glance to when you need a moment alone.

Allow yourself space to grieve

• Set a timer for 20 minutes and grieve for your loss. This can all allow you to feel more control over your grief. Journal, sing, cry or just be during this time. Once the time is up, perform a task to distract yourself to remove yourself from your grief process (Sing the ABCs, name the states, list animals by alphabetical order).
• It’s okay to feel all the emotions surrounding the loss. You can cry, laugh or be angry. Your feelings are valid and deserve to be felt.

Remember your loved one

• Wear something that belongs to them to a holiday party.
• Create a variation of a tradition you shared with them.
• Keep their picture close at hand or on display during the holidays
• Tell stories and share memories.

A final thought… A friend of mine lost her brother and talked about how they were telling memories of him at Thanksgiving and using the word “was”. They talked about how he “was” a wonderful family man and member of his community. She said she started to think of the word “is” and realized that she wanted to tell the people she loved how much they meant in this moment before they became a “was”. This is a beautiful reminder to share your love and support with others this holiday season. Take care of yourself and others.